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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823347">Grind and Hustle</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT'>Electra_XT</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), First Time, Getting Together, Lapdance, M/M, Sibling Incest, Strippers &amp; Strip Clubs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:29:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Diego gave him a long look, and then he looked around at the rest of the table. Everyone was riveted on him, caught in his orbit, and he smiled, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest. “I guess now’s as good a time as any to give you the news,” he said. “I’m a bit of an entrepreneur these days. I’ve found myself another vocation.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>192</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Grind and Hustle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Classic AU where they fixed the apocalypse; Five is aged up to be early 20s, as always.</p><p>Thank you to achilleees for growing this AU with me!</p><p>Title from “Money” by Leikeli47.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Whoa,” Klaus said, looking up from painting his toenails as Diego walked into the kitchen. “Did you get a haircut?”</p><p>Five surveyed Diego over the rim of his coffee cup. Diego’s hair was damp, his posture relaxed, and he was holding a glass bottle of something Five couldn’t identify. His stubble had grown in a little, and his eyes were as dark as always, his lips unfairly plush— but he looked off from usual, in a way that Five couldn’t identify either.</p><p>“The hell?” Diego said, wiping his hair out of his face.</p><p>“Something about you looks different,” Klaus said. “Did you gain weight or something?”</p><p>“I repeat,” Diego said. “The hell?”</p><p>“No, no, I mean in a muscle way,” Klaus said. “You look very, ah, defined.”</p><p>Five rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but eye Diego’s chest. The fabric of his sweater skimmed his torso, clinging to his pecs, and his chest really did look… more pronounced. Defined was the right word for it. He looked away.</p><p>“You’d look hot if you got a belly, too, though,” Klaus reflected. “You could get the bear look working for you. I’d be into it.”</p><p>“I’m not bulking up,” Diego said, taking a seat at the table.</p><p>“Did you lose weight?” Five said.</p><p>Diego flexed his bicep. “Do I look like I lost weight?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Five said, turning back to his coffee. “Never change, Diego.”</p><p>“Are you really sure there was no haircut?” Klaus said.</p><p>“Have you been outside today?” Diego said. “It’s pouring. Had to leave my coat and shoes and shit upstairs.” He ran his hand through his hair.</p><p>“Have you considered,” Klaus said, “carrying an umb—”</p><p>Five set down his coffee with a clink. “No.”</p><p>“Yeah, if you make the pun…” Diego said.</p><p>Klaus held up his hands. “God, fine, okay. Anyway, I’ve mentally moved on. Five, tell me you don’t see anything different about him.”</p><p>“No,” Five said reluctantly. “Something’s changed.”</p><p>“Oh, but you don’t know what it is,” Diego said, grinning.</p><p>“Please don’t enjoy this too much,” Five said. “It really doesn’t reflect well on you, no matter how mysterious you think you’re being, because withholding things over people’s heads isn’t one of the higher forms of entertainment.”</p><p>“You ever played with a cat and a piece of string, though?” Diego said, unscrewing the cap of his bottle.</p><p>Five rolled his eyes, and then he heard footsteps thundering down the hall. Klaus jumped, nail polish brush still held in his fingers, as the door slammed open.</p><p>“Diego,” Luther said, standing in the doorway.</p><p>“Yeah, man?” Diego said. He had his feet propped up on the kitchen table, the bottle dangling loosely from his hand. Five could see the label on it now, the little Starbucks mermaid snaking up the side.</p><p>“That draft latte shit is disgusting,” Five said.</p><p>Diego tipped his head over to him. “Did I ask?”</p><p><i>“Diego,”</i> Luther said. “We need to talk.”</p><p>“I used to think it was disgusting too,” Diego said to Five. He brought the bottle up to his lips and took a long sip, throat working. “But I was converted.”</p><p>“It’s sugar,” Five said.</p><p>Diego smiled. “<i>You</i> like sugar.”</p><p>Luther dropped a wad of $10 bills on the table.</p><p>Diego set his bottle down with a clink, and he folded his arms over his chest. “You’ve been snooping, huh?”</p><p>“Tell me where this came from,” Luther said.</p><p>“The point of a balanced diet and training regimen isn’t to eliminate fun,” Diego said, looking over at Five. “I can have a Frappuccino now and then if I want. I can sleep late one morning if I want. I’m a free man.”</p><p>“Diego, tell me how you earned $100 in cash and why I found it in your shoe,” Luther said.</p><p>Diego raised his eyebrows. “You were looking in my shoe?”</p><p>“You left your shoes right there in the entryway to dry,” Luther gritted out. “I wasn’t <i>trying</i> to look for anything, I was— I saw it.”</p><p>“So you’re touching Diego’s nasty shoe money?” Klaus said, delighted.</p><p>Luther looked down at the bills with distaste.</p><p>“Oh, you really don’t want to know where those have been if the shoe thing upsets you, big man,” Diego said, grinning broadly.</p><p>“Hey, Diego, if I lick your money despite it having been in your shoe, will you give it to me?” Klaus said.</p><p>“Why on Earth would you keep money in your shoe?” Five said. “Do you not own a wallet?”</p><p>“I have a wallet,” Diego said, taking it out of his pocket. He flipped it in his hand.</p><p>“And?” Five said.</p><p>Diego leaned back in his chair, taking another sip of the Frappuccino. “That’s where I keep my twenties.”</p><p>“You’re shitting me,” Five said.</p><p>“Would you let me take your wallet money if I licked it?” Klaus said.</p><p>Diego opened his wallet. Five leaned forward, scrutinizing, as Diego pulled out a wad of grubby $20 bills, counting them. Eight, nine—</p><p>“You have $300 in cash on your person right now?” Luther said.</p><p>Diego smiled, tucking his wallet away.</p><p>“Jesus,” Five said. “Is this some new crime-fighting strategy? Being a honeypot for muggers so you can lure them in and then crack their skulls?”</p><p>“Yeah, Diego, since when did crime-fighting pay the bills?” Klaus said. “Sheesh. If I’d known you were secretly loaded, I wouldn’t have gone through Dad’s stuff and sold the journal.”</p><p>“What, are you starstruck?” Diego said. “Our dad was a millionaire. Don’t act like you’ve never seen a couple bills before.”</p><p>“It’s not about being starstruck,” Luther said. “It’s— if you—”</p><p>“You aren’t wearing your knife harness,” Five said suddenly.</p><p>Everyone turned to look at Diego. Without the leather straps, weighing him down, Diego looked visibly lighter— less burdened, less constrained, and Five had a sudden vision of Diego set free from his sweater and tactical gear entirely, draped in a loose tank top, kinetic and liberated.</p><p>A free man, he’d said.</p><p>Diego looked over at Five. He blinked once, slowly.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “I’m not.”</p><p>“So crime-fighting doesn’t pay the bills,” Five said, looking at Diego. “You’ve moved on.”</p><p>“Are you not armed?” Luther said.</p><p>“‘Course I’m armed,” Diego said, and he produced a knife from his pocket with ease. “Don’t go anywhere without my safety net. But Five’s right.” He tipped his chair back again, languid, and he tilted the last of the Frappuccino into his mouth, exposing the curve of his throat. He wiped his lips and let the legs of his chair fall down on the floor with a thump, setting the empty bottle on the table.</p><p>“I’m always right,” Five said, eyes fixed on Diego’s hands.</p><p>Diego gave him a long look, and then he looked around at the rest of the table. Everyone was riveted on him, caught in his orbit, and he smiled, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest. “I guess now’s as good a time as any to give you the news,” he said. “I’m a bit of an entrepreneur these days. I’ve found myself another vocation.”</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Klaus said, clapping his hands. “Guesses?”</p><p>“Can you repeat all that again?” Allison said.</p><p>They were sitting in Klaus’s bedroom. The second Allison had stepped out of the taxi and showed up at the Academy, he had dragged her upstairs to debrief about Diego, and beckoned Five to come with him. Klaus had lit up with glee at the prospect of a secret bedroom gossip session, and Allison had consented with a smile that it was a good idea.</p><p>It was not. Five resented being made to sit on the floor.</p><p>“So Diego shows up, looking like a <i>snack,</i> and we’re all ogling him and then Luther found a ton of cash in his shoe and then Five was like, wait, you’re not wearing the harness,” Klaus said. “And then he told us he’s an ‘entrepreneur.’”</p><p>“Wait, why was Luther looking in Diego’s shoe?” Allison said, leaning back against the wall.</p><p>“Diego’s shoes were out in the open,” Five said.</p><p>“Why were Diego’s shoes out in the open?” Allison said.</p><p>“You’re overthinking this,” Klaus said.</p><p>“I’m not,” Allison said. “You said you wanted help figuring out what Diego’s up to. I’m gathering clues.”</p><p>“The shoes were out in the open because they were wet from the rain,” Five said.</p><p>Allison made a face. “Yeah, that’s boring.”</p><p>“You should listen to me more often when I give you advice,” Klaus said.</p><p>“She really shouldn’t,” Five said, letting his head tip back against the wall. “Can we go somewhere else to have this conversation?”</p><p>“You can deal,” Allison said, reaching down and patting his shoulder. “It’s just like old times, Five. Sitting in rooms, scheming about each other—”</p><p>Five picked at his nails. “I wasn’t here for old times.”</p><p>He did relish the penitent silence that followed.</p><p>“In any case,” Klaus said, “Diego’s up to something sketchy.”</p><p>“Maybe he’s up to something really boring and it’s too lame to tell us outright,” Allison said.</p><p>“Something boring that involves wads of mysterious cash?” Five said.</p><p>“Yeah, Christ,” Klaus said. “I wish I could get a normal boring job that paid in wads of mysterious cash.”</p><p>“A paycheck wouldn’t do you?” Five said.</p><p>“You can turn paychecks into cash, Klaus,” Allison said, smirking.</p><p>“Whatever, Miss Millionaire, stop oppressing me with your wealth,” Klaus said. “Do you really think Diego’s doing something normal?”</p><p>Allison sighed. “No.”</p><p>“Perhaps he’s been swayed to the side of crime,” Five said, stretching out his legs. “Mugging people.”</p><p>“Diego?” Klaus said. “<i>Our</i> Diego?”</p><p>“Well,” Five began, and then he sighed. “No, don’t pursue that. If he were mugging people, he wouldn’t have stopped wearing the harness.”</p><p>“That’s the part that really gets me,” Allison said. “And you’re sure he stopped wearing it for good? He didn’t just forget it?”</p><p>“He made a big deal of it,” Klaus said. “Also, do you really think Diego would forget that thing? He’s practically married to it.”</p><p>“Fair,” Allison said, grinning. “Maybe he’s into crime, but more white-collar. Diego has a new career in insider trading.”</p><p>“But the cash,” Five said.</p><p>“Ugh,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Let’s just brainstorm,” Allison said. “He’s a handyman who picks up odd jobs.”</p><p>“Diego would be terrible at that,” Five said.</p><p>“He has a quaint fruit and vegetable stand on the side of the road,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Diego would be even worse at that,” Allison said.</p><p>“He’s a DJ who gets tipped in cash?” Klaus said. “He’s a dog walker? He’s a babysitter? He sells handmade crafts? He’s a drug dealer?”</p><p>There was a silence.</p><p>“Oh,” Allison said.</p><p>“Oh,” Five said.</p><p>“<i>Oh,</i>” Klaus said.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Klaus said, leaning forward and hanging over Diego’s seat. “I hear you’re an… <i>entrepreneur</i> now.”</p><p>Diego was lying on the sofa in the atrium, holding a magazine over his face. Five had been watching him for the past forty-five minutes from behind his own newspaper, and Diego had only turned the pages three times. He’d been on this particular spread for ten minutes. Either it was a truly fascinating article, or Diego was thinking about something else, or it was a picture of a pretty girl with a cute butt and nice legs.</p><p>“Yeah,” Diego said. “What do you want?”</p><p>“Sooo,” Klaus said. “I was wondering if you had a friends and family discount.”</p><p>“What exactly do you think I’m selling?” Diego said, putting his magazine down.</p><p>“I’m not picky,” Klaus said.</p><p>Diego gave him a long, long look, and then picked his magazine back up. “You couldn’t afford it.”</p><p>“Oh, come on, asshole, you don’t need the money,” Klaus said. “Everyone in the world can tell you’re loaded now.”</p><p>Diego grinned.</p><p>“If he’s loaded,” Five remarked, “then he probably has the business sense not to give away his wares for free.”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Diego said. “Listen to your brother, Klaus, he’s got good insights.”</p><p>Five shook out his newspaper, hiding his tiny smile.</p><p>“Hey, when you say ‘your brother,’” Klaus said, “is that supposed to be Five, or…”</p><p>“Not my fault you have two genius brothers,” Diego said.</p><p>Five coughed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”</p><p>“I’m a good salesman,” Diego said.</p><p>“Diego, you have to actually give us some evidence to back this up, or you’re just bragging,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Bragging doesn’t make it wrong,” Diego said. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table. “I never brag about things that aren’t true.”</p><p>“Well, you just told us you were smart,” Five said.</p><p>Diego flipped him off. “I am smart. I don’t cover the walls in equations or read textbooks for fun, but I know what I’m doing.”</p><p>“And what exactly are you doing?” Five said, despite himself.</p><p>The change in Diego’s manner, he had to admit, was substantial. With the weight of the knife harness lifted, he seemed calmer, more at ease; a little closer to the shining beacon of adulthood he so clearly strove for, and a little further away from the doe-eyed boy stuttering under his father’s incendiary gaze. Even his grip on the magazine was looser than Five had ever remembered seeing it.</p><p>Diego smiled. “I bet you wanna know.”</p><p>Five rolled his eyes. “Yes, Diego, I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked.”</p><p>“We’re going to keep bugging you until you admit you sell drugs,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Hold on,” Diego said, putting down the magazine.</p><p>Klaus raised his eyebrows. “So is the friends and family discount back on?”</p><p>“You thought I was selling <i>drugs</i>?” Diego said, looking at Klaus. He brought his feet off the coffee table, sitting up and turning to look at Five. “<i>You</i> thought I was selling drugs?”</p><p>“What do you mean, <i>you</i>?” Five said. “Why me?”</p><p>“Thought you were the smart one,” Diego said. “Of course I’m not a fucking drug dealer. After the amount of time I spent busting those guys on the street, you really think I’m gonna go and become one?”</p><p>“Christ, Diego, you walk around flaunting your cash and telling us you’re some kind of business mogul,” Five said. “Forgive us for making a couple assumptions.”</p><p>“I never said I was a business mogul,” Diego said.</p><p>“You said you were an entrepreneur,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Maybe independent contractor is a better word,” Diego said.</p><p>Five arched an eyebrow. “Care to elaborate?”</p><p>Diego pointed at him. “No.” He pointed at Klaus. “No way. Drug dealer, Jesus Christ.”</p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with drug dealers,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Yeah, man, you and I can’t have a civil conversation about drugs,” Diego said. “You know you don’t like what I say.”</p><p>Five leaned in, interested. “Does he preach?” he asked Klaus.</p><p>“Like soooo much,” Klaus said. “He says his body is a—”</p><p>“A temple,” Diego said, thumping his abs. “You don’t get in shape by killing yourself.”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind,” Five said, looking down at his newspaper. The sound of Diego’s palm hitting his firm stomach rang in his ears. Christ. “And you don’t get in shape by being humble, either.”</p><p>“I never claimed to be,” Diego said. “Takes work to look like this.”</p><p>“What do you even need all those sculpted muscles for, anyway?” Klaus said. “It’s not like you’re flexing on criminals anymore.”</p><p>“Mm,” Diego said.</p><p>Five looked up. Diego was smirking, and Five narrowed his eyes. He’d catalogued many of Diego’s smirks, and this wasn’t his easy one, or his biting-back-laughter one, or his mean one.</p><p>It was his <i>knowing</i> one.</p><p>“Cut the shit,” Five said, finally folding up the newspaper and laying it down on the coffee table. “I want to know. Don’t hold that over me like it’s shameful.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s not shameful,” Diego said, reaching over to ruffle Five’s hair. Five caught his wrist and bent it back in an unforgiving lock. “Jesus, you little sociopath, ow.”</p><p>“If you condescend, I have a gun in my blazer pocket,” Five said.</p><p>“Yeah, and I have a knife in my belt,” Diego said. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, baby.”</p><p>“A gun is way more dangerous than a knife,” Klaus mused.</p><p>“I’m thrilled you’ll be taking on the role of Captain Obvious in our superhero team,” Five said. He shook his head. “Don’t— what were we talking about?”</p><p>Diego had called him baby, he remembered. That was taking up most of his brain.</p><p>“I was telling you there’s no shame in wanting to know what I do for a living,” Diego said. He stood up and stretched. Five and Klaus both instinctively watched as his shirt rode up, revealing a slice of his skin. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll tell you.”</p><p>“Christ,” Five said, watching Diego tug the hem of his shirt down.</p><p>“Come on, man, just tell us,” Klaus said. “You know we’re going to find out eventually.”</p><p>“You won’t,” Diego said.</p><p>“I can find out anything,” Five said.</p><p>“Very cute,” Diego said, “but it’s not gonna happen.”</p><p>Five smiled at him, showing his dimple. “I never brag,” he said, “about things that aren’t true.”</p><p> </p><p>Five was a man of his word. It wasn’t that hard to track Diego down, anyway— all he had to do was follow Diego after he left the Academy and keep a careful eye on him, and stake out the gym for a couple hours slouched in his car, and when Diego finally emerged to him, he just had to tail him. He had to pay attention to Diego, plain and simple, and he didn’t have trouble doing this because he did it all the time. Diego always seemed <i>important,</i> the most pressing thing in any room, and it took no effort at all to hang onto his every word, to turn his head and look at him whenever he spoke. </p><p>Five knew what this meant, and even if he didn’t like it, he wasn’t stupid enough to deny it. </p><p>He nursed his crush on his brother like the implant that used to tick beneath his skin. He lived with it. It kept him up at night. But— Five flicked on the turn signal— he didn’t think this one could be pried out with a table knife.</p><p>Diego’s car nosed down a narrow street, and Five pulled smoothly up behind him. He reached forward and put on a pair of sunglasses as Diego parked and got out of the car, discreetly disguising himself just in case Diego turned to look behind him. Diego looked left and right, and then walked up to an unassuming door and disappeared inside.</p><p>Five looked up to scan the building. It was mostly bland, clearly the back entrance of somewhere bigger, but there was a faded sign that was so small as to be practically a sticker, and Five leaned forward until he could make out the words: <i>Exotic Escape.</i></p><p> </p><p>“What’s Exotic Escape?” Five said, appearing in Klaus’s bedroom.</p><p>Klaus was stabbing a loose ball of yarn like it was more a kebab than a sweater-in-progress, but when Five materialized next to him he tossed his needles aside, sitting up and looking at him with avid interest. </p><p>“That’s the most elite strip club in the city,” he said.</p><p>Five’s blood ran hot and cold at the same time. He’d suspected as much, but he couldn’t tell if he was relieved or dismayed. “Ah,” he said, leaning against the wall.</p><p>Klaus leaned forward, knitting forgotten. “Is that what you found out Diego’s been spending his money on? Girls writhing all over him? That’s kind of sad.”</p><p>“Not unlike Diego, I suppose,” Five said. He frowned. “Is it just women?”</p><p>“No, they have plenty of men, actually,” Klaus said. “Perfect for our bisexual wonder brother. But you know what they <i>really</i> are?” He pointed at Five.</p><p>“What?” Five said.</p><p>“Assholes,” Klaus said.</p><p>“How do you know?” Five said.</p><p>“Because I went there and auditioned, and they laughed,” Klaus said. “They said I wasn’t sexy enough. And, I mean, bullshit! I was dressed in my best outfit— lingerie popping, eyeliner on point, you know me— and I was doing perfect, and they stopped me. They said they’d seen enough, but they really hadn’t, and then when I protested they kicked me out. Ergo, they’re assholes.”</p><p>“Have you considered that maybe you were bad at it?” Five said.</p><p>Klaus recoiled. “What?”</p><p>Five met his gaze, steady.</p><p>“Anyway, it’s like impossible to get hired there,” Klaus said, looking away. “Diego must have expensive taste in strippers.”</p><p>“Or,” Five said, “there’s another option.”</p><p>Klaus cocked his head, and then his eyes widened. “No way. Nope.”</p><p>“It explains the cash,” Five said.</p><p>“Diego could <i>never</i> be a stripper,” Klaus said with absolute conviction. “Never ever ever.” He hit his thigh with every word. “Have you seen that boy’s big sweet doe eyes?”<br/>
Five coughed. “Have you seen that boy’s nipple ring?”</p><p>“Yeah, but there’s more to a stripper than being slutty,” Klaus said. “Believe me— you have to be willing to sell yourself. Diego’s, like, all about his autonomy.”</p><p>Five frowned. “In essence, he’s been sacrificing his body for other people’s sake every time he’s gone out and fought crime. I’d argue that dancing for strangers isn’t much compared to that.”</p><p>“That’s wildly different,” Klaus said, picking up his knitting.</p><p>“Granted, it wasn’t the best analogy I’ve ever made, but I still don’t see how the idea is so unreasonable,” Five said. “On the contrary, I believe I’m completely right. Diego’s earning unaccounted-for cash, he’s inclined towards physical vocations, and might I remind you that I saw him enter a strip club through the back entrance at five in the evening?”</p><p>“Like I said, I don’t know if he could succeed,” Klaus said.</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Five said. “His body— I mean, he’s very— it’s—”</p><p>To his horror, a blush was rising to his cheeks. He couldn’t talk about Diego’s looks without thinking about his body, and he couldn’t think about his body without thinking of his face, his sharp smile, the scar through his eyebrow, his parted lips.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Klaus said, leaning forward. “You think he’s hot!”</p><p>“Shut up,” Five gritted out.</p><p>“You do!” Klaus crowed. “You think our brother Diego is sexy, you think he could earn bank as a stripper, you want to watch him take off his clothes onstage and do that classic hip roll, you want to lick his sweaty glittery abs, you want to push twenties into his man-thong—”</p><p>Five teleported from the room without saying a word.</p><p> </p><p>Five had warped through time and space millions of times, had gotten lost and found and lost again and tumbled through time like a rock in the ocean, had survived in the bitterest cold and the harshest darkness and the most unforgiving heat, but somehow, the squeeze of the strip club still caught him off guard.</p><p>The place felt like the inside of a mouth. It was dark, the air thick with the smell of cheap cologne and cheaper alcohol, and it somehow managed to feel huge and cramped at the same time, busy with tacky furniture and moving bodies and exposed skin, repetitive, hypnotic, glitzy. A susurrus of sex and sticky money. Five’s stomach turned at the idea of Diego spending any significant length of time here.</p><p>“You new?” a waitress said, brushing Five’s arm.</p><p>Five instinctively twitched. Her cleavage was right in his face. “No,” he said.</p><p>The waitress tilted her head uncertainly. “You need something, hon?”</p><p>“No,” Five said.</p><p>“Well,” the waitress said, laughing awkwardly, “you tell us if you’re looking for anything special.”</p><p>“Don’t call me hon,” Five said, and then he warped away, looking for a better view of the stage. The music crawled up his spine, a mid-00s shimmer to the synthesizers, a packaged R&amp;B beat. The stage was empty, but the seats in front of him were filled with people. At least two of them sported bride-to-be sashes.</p><p>It should have been stupid. Every single thing about this club appalled Five. And it <i>was</i> stupid, and Five felt out of place and nauseous, and if this was really Diego’s territory then maybe—</p><p>The crowd went wild.</p><p>Five looked up. There was a silhouette onstage. It was handsomely muscled, but spending even ten minutes in a strip club had inured Five to the sight of a sculpted chest. The silhouette, dark and kinetic, rolled its hips in an elegant thrust, and then the lights went up.</p><p>The lights reflected off Diego’s pearly scar. He was dressed in an astoundingly tacky cop costume, clearly no more than a tear-off formality, and those handcuffs weren’t real. Not even close to real. Not even trying. Five gave himself a slap on the wrist for noticing. Strip clubs were not for people who were neurotic enough to squint at fake weapons in the dark.</p><p>The song dropped the beat like an offering, and Diego took the opportunity to shoulder his jacket off and toss it into the shadows. </p><p>A girl whooped. Diego looked over in her direction and winked, smile spreading over his face, and he thrust his hips up as the music swelled. Five looked over at the girl— one of the bachelorettes, surrounded by girlfriends, and they looked so fucking rapt, watching Diego like he was the second goddamn coming. Diego was <i>acting</i> like the second coming, though which was worse. Every roll of his hips discombobulated Five a little more. </p><p>“God, yes,” he heard a woman say to his right. “Kraken’s always so— take it off, take it off, take it— now that’s what I’m talking about.”</p><p>Five looked up sharply, and his stomach dipped, watching Diego toss his dumb tacky cop shirt away, exposing that gorgeous, muscled chest, and his breath actually caught, which was— it was just embarrassing, and catcalls were breaking out, and Jesus, was that the glint of his nipple ring? He shifted. The prurience was getting under his skin; getting him hot and bothered, but it felt unsettling. He preferred his men dressed with intention and substance— not in costumes, not in conceits.</p><p>But also, he thought, face burning with a blush that no one saw, he sometimes liked his men dressed in nothing at all.</p><p>Diego tore off his pants in one kinetic motion. He was playing the audience perfectly, as effortless as he ever wanted to seem— something in Five’s chest twisted at the idea of sharing his fantasy with a hollering crowd— this was what Diego wanted, a crowd, there was no way Five alone could compare to the ambient, manifest desire in the dark club.</p><p>The light caught Diego’s face. His expression was carved, determined, bleached and shadowed by the lights, and Five searched and searched but he couldn’t find any trace of the smirking Diego he knew in the landscape of that muscular body.</p><p>Was this his fantasy?</p><p>Diego cupped the bulge of his dick. He slipped a hand down his briefs, edging them off, letting the audience catch a glimpse of his hip— and the lights went down. </p><p>Just like that, Diego was a silhouette again.</p><p>Five shifted in his seat. His dick wasn’t hard. There were people laughing, appreciative rumblings, chairs scraping back as people adjusted themselves, eagerly anticipating the next act.</p><p>It hadn’t occurred to Five that there was a next act.</p><p>He went over and sat down on a purple velvet loveseat, feeling unsettled. He’d been worried he would get turned on, but it felt strangely hollow to have been so unaffected. Perhaps he was some sort of— reverse pervert, a person who could see every arousing thing in the world and have his eyes glaze over. Maybe he’d been so enamored of the idea of Diego. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to see him exposed after all. Five slouched, feeling gross, skull vibrating with the loud music, and then he straightened as he caught a glimpse of Diego’s scar in the crowd.</p><p>He was making his way over to the bachelorette. Her friends were laughing, clearing to give her space, and Five watched as Diego grinned at her, climbing astride her lap, and his lips parted in horror as Diego began to grind, bracing his hands on her shoulders and rolling his hips.</p><p>Five was suddenly and vividly struck with the idea of warping behind Diego and yanking him away.</p><p>The woman held out a stack of bills to her friend, tipping her head back and letting her friends take turns— Five’s lip curled— <i>making it rain</i> on him, Diego was smiling, he was leaning down to whisper in the woman’s ear and then the woman was reaching up and petting his abs, and Diego was reaching down and guiding her other hand to his firm, muscled thigh.</p><p>Five looked away, cheeks burning. He wanted Diego off her, and he wanted to warp away from the club and breathe cool air again, and he wanted Diego never to touch anyone like that ever again, and he wanted to be her. </p><p>Diego climbed off the woman’s lap, gathering his money. He raised a hand, thanking her, and then he stepped away, scanning the crowd. Five’s pulse began to rabbit, his whole body heating, as he came perilously close to meeting Diego’s gaze— and then Diego looked at him and stopped still.</p><p>Five could feel his pulse in every part of his body. He looked Diego in the eye, and then he beckoned him with his hand.</p><p>Diego picked his way through the crowd, sliding past reaching hands until he reached Five, planting himself in front of him.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be here,” he said.</p><p>“Oh, you weren’t being that sneaky,” Five said. “You couldn’t really think none of us would track you down.” He arched an eyebrow. “You’re a real showman out there.”</p><p>“Pays the bills,” Diego said.</p><p>Five settled back in the chintzy loveseat. “There are other things that pay.”</p><p>“How did you find me?” Diego said.</p><p>“I followed your car,” Five said. He smiled a little. “Klaus didn’t believe you could get hired here.”</p><p>“What, because he got turned down or something?” Diego said, grinning.</p><p>Five inclined his head.</p><p>“Klaus thinks he’d be a great stripper because he thinks he can flirt,” Diego said. Another performer walked past them, smacking Diego on the ass, and Diego raised his hand to give him the finger over his shoulder, eyes still fixed on Five. “Truth is, it requires work. Lot of physical fitness. The ability to see a person and figure out what they want before they say anything.”</p><p>“I can imagine,” Five said. His eyes tracked down to Diego’s firm thighs, and he shivered, momentarily picturing them around a pole, or clamped around his body.</p><p>“You come here to preach?” Diego said.</p><p>“I’m not an idiot,” Five said.</p><p>“Good,” Diego said. He cracked his knuckles. “So why are you here?”</p><p>The silence gaped. This was where Five could taunt him, could hit him with any number of pointed remarks. He was smart, and he had Diego cornered. But Diego’s eyes were dark, and his cheekbones stood out, and even his lips were handsome, and Five swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.</p><p>“I’m here to buy a dance,” he said, and he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a stack of folded bills.</p><p>In the dark club, he could see Diego’s eyes widen, and then narrow. “Tell me where you got that.”</p><p>“I’m independently wealthy,” Five said, smirking.</p><p>“Uh huh,” Diego said. “I’m never leaving my shoes out in the fucking open again.”</p><p>“Render unto Diego that which is Diego’s,” Five said. He looked down at the money, idly counting it out. “Are you the type of stripper that puts out?”</p><p>“Nah,” Diego said. “If one guy starts turning tricks, the customers expect us all to. I don’t do that shit on the clock.”</p><p>“On the clock,” Five said, looking up at him with dark eyes.</p><p>Diego inhaled. “If you want this,” he said, “it won’t be— this is my job, Five. You’re on my territory, and you’ll play by my rules.”</p><p>“And what are your rules?” Five said, eyes still boring into him.</p><p>Diego brought his hand to Five’s face and tilted his face up with two fingers. “You get what you pay for,” he said. “No touching. No coming in your pants. If you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford the dance. But if you’re good…”</p><p>His hand tightened on Five’s jaw.</p><p>“If you’re good,” Diego murmured, “you’ll get to go home with me after. Are we clear?”</p><p>“Crystal,” Five said. He swallowed, and then leaned back, spreading his legs just a tad. “Then impress me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No touching,” Diego breathed. He braced a hand on the back of Five’s seat and gyrated his hips, coming so close to him but pulling away.</p><p>Five was breathing hard. The experience of getting a lap dance, of having Diego grind so close to him, the laser-focused beam of his attention, was infinitely more overwhelming than it had seemed from a distance. If his cock hadn’t been interested in Diego’s routine onstage, it was certainly making up for it now.</p><p>“You remember my other rule?” Diego murmured.</p><p>“What, the money one?” Five said. There was a hitch in his voice. “I— paid for you, Diego, get fucked.”</p><p>Diego brought his hand down and pressed against Five’s hard cock through his pants. Five’s hips bucked, a little moan torn from his lips, and Diego smiled, pulling his hand away. “The no coming in your pants one,” he said.</p><p>Five whined. “If you didn’t <i>tease</i> me, I wouldn’t be—”</p><p>“And whose fault is that?” Diego said. He ground down on him.</p><p>“Yours,” Five said. “Diego, cut the shit, you know what I want.”</p><p>“Ah-ah-ah,” Diego said. He rolled his hips, easy and elegant, even as Five could see his muscles shifting. “No, you get what you pay for, sweetheart. You handed me the money, I’ll tease you as much as I want.”</p><p>“Please,” Five said. “Please, for the love of God— <i>fuck,</i> don’t—”</p><p>“Don’t what?” Diego said, arching his back. </p><p>Five could feel the warmth emanating off his body, see every shift of his gorgeous muscles, and he let out a plaintive little noise. “Don’t tease,” he said. “You’re— too good at this, Christ.”</p><p>“Am I getting you hard?” Diego said, voice low like velvet.</p><p>Five had been hard for so long, arousal curling in his gut and his cock pressing up against the fabric of his pants, that he’d taken it as a given. “You’re grinding on me in the sluttiest pair of underwear I’ve ever seen, of course I’m— hard.”</p><p>“And do you want me to keep going?” Diego said. He rolled his hips. “Want me to give you the best lap dance you’ve ever had? The only one you’ll remember?” He leaned in closer. “You want me to show you a good time?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Five said, and he squirmed, barely able to resist the temptation to arch his hips up to meet Diego’s. “Give it to me, stop teasing.”</p><p>“Then stop fighting it,” Diego breathed. He leaned in, so close Five could feel his breath ghosting across his lips. “Let me get you hard. Let me make you want it.”</p><p>For a single, breath-held moment, Five was paralyzed. The lights in the club changed behind Diego, as incessant as they’d ever been, but everything but Diego’s body fell back into soft focus.</p><p>From this close distance, he could see Diego’s dark eyes again.</p><p>“I want it,” Five murmured, looking up at him.</p><p>“There we go,” Diego said, and he braced his hands on the back of Five’s seat, thrusting forward and grinding in. Five made a little gasp— God, Diego’s arms, his fucking biceps— and Diego smiled, bringing one hand down to stroke Five’s cheek. “You like it, don’t you?” he said.</p><p>“I think you can tell how much I like it,” Five said breathily.</p><p>Diego pressed closer, moving in so his forearms pushed back against the seat, framing Five’s head, and he brought his forehead to touch Five’s. “Even though it’s tacky?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Five said, guttural. “Yeah, Diego.”</p><p>“Even though it’s slutty?” Diego said.</p><p>Five groaned. “Yes,” he said. “I fucking like it, Diego, I’m— getting a lap dance from my brother at a strip club and I like it, okay? And I want you to fucking give it to me already, because I’m hard and aching for it, you asshole, and you keep acting like I’m any other customer when I— used your money for it, this isn’t <i>fair</i>, Diego, please?”</p><p>Diego grinned, moving away. “Oh, baby,” he said. “No, you asked for it. You’re my customer for the night, and I’ll treat you like one, hm?”</p><p>“Diego,” Five said, “come on.”</p><p>“You wanna put your hands on me, sweet thing?” Diego said drawing back further. To a professional stripper distance, Five thought, and the absurdity of the thought made him bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. “Yeah, baby, you’d like to feel, I know.”</p><p>Five ground his hips up. “Not fucking fair, you’re teasing me on purpose— give me something, anything.”</p><p>“Anything?” Diego said.</p><p>Five narrowed his eyes. “What do you want? I’m not entering a pact with the devil.”</p><p>Diego hummed, and then he brought his hand down, brushing his fingers over the wad of bills clutched tight and sweaty in Five’s palm. “How about you give me a tip?”</p><p>“Take it,” Five said, pressing the bills into Diego’s palm.</p><p>“No, I said <i>give</i> me a tip,” Diego said, removing his hand.</p><p>Five furrowed his brow. “What…?”</p><p>“The family genius,” Diego said, smirking. He hooked his thumb in the band of his briefs and snapped the elastic. “Here, sweetheart.”</p><p>Five stared up at him. “You want me to—?”</p><p>“Don’t know why you’re being so shy,” Diego said. “You’re the one who came to a strip club, I thought you’d be all over the dirty shit.”</p><p>“Get fucked,” Five said, all instinct. His hands were shaking. He unfolded a single and pressed it against Diego’s sweaty skin, sliding it down into his underwear.</p><p>Diego gyrated on him. “Really, I’m only worth a dollar?”</p><p>“Thought you didn’t want me to touch,” Five said. His fingers felt hot where he’d touched Diego, and his heart was pounding, and his dick was hard, pressed and trapped inside his slacks.</p><p>“I make exceptions,” Diego said. He cupped the front of his briefs with one hand, letting Five watch the broad span of his fingers mold over the broad span of his bulge. “Up the ante a little.”</p><p>Five licked his lips, picking out a $5 and slipping it into Diego’s briefs, hand trailing over his lean stomach.</p><p>“Good boy,” Diego murmured. He picked up Five’s hand and kissed the palm. “Now we’re getting somewhere, hm?” He moved Five’s hand backwards, letting him cup the firm curve of Diego’s ass. “Next one you can put right here.”</p><p>It felt like a goddamn gift in Five’s fingers. He didn’t dare apply any pressure, holding absolutely still, handling it like glass, and he stared up at Diego in wordless awe.</p><p>Diego let out a little groan. “I’m not fragile, sweetheart, you can squeeze it a little.”</p><p>“But the no touching,” Five said.</p><p>“You’re too damn neurotic, you know that?” Diego said. He moved in, grinding so close to him that his cock almost brushed against Five through his briefs. “New rule is no touching unless I tell you to. If I give you the order, you do it. You ever even touched a guy’s ass before?”</p><p>“I’ve never had a fucking stripper writhing in my lap before, if that’s what you’re asking,” Five said.</p><p>“Then I have to do everything myself around here,” Diego said, and he covered Five’s slender hand with his bigger one, squeezing firmly. Five made a little squeak. “It’s not that difficult, yeah?”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Five said, voice gone breathy.</p><p>“Good boy,” Diego said. He smirked. “My regular customers would kill for the chance to play with me like this.”</p><p>Five squeezed hard, pushing his fingertips into the flesh of Diego’s ass until Diego gasped. “I’m not your regular customers,” he said. “I’ll leave bruises on you.”</p><p>“You damage the goods and you don’t get to come tonight, sweetheart,” Diego said. He sounded a little strained, though, and Five grinned, slipping the $10 into the back of Diego’s briefs.</p><p>“You got any more cash on you?” Diego said, rolling his hips.</p><p>“That’s not very classy of you,” Five said.</p><p>“I’m a stripper,” Diego said, arching his back shamelessly. “I don’t get paid to be classy.”</p><p>“And what do you get paid to do instead?” Five said, reaching up with the $20 bill and brushing it down Diego’s chest.</p><p>Diego caught his wrist. His grip was sudden and sharp, and Five shivered, looking up at him, pliant and slack, lips parted.</p><p>“I get paid to tease,” Diego said.</p><p>“Diego,” Five said, a hitch in his voice. “Don’t be mean.”</p><p>“Am I being mean?” Diego said, moving in closer. Five shuddered. “Thought this was what you wanted, sweetheart. You followed me here.” He stroked the sensitive inside of Five’s wrist, and Five whimpered a little, arching up into him. “How much money do you have left?”</p><p>Five flexed his empty hand. “I don’t— I’m out.”</p><p>“That’s a shame,” Diego said, moving off his lap.</p><p>“No,” Five said. “Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>Diego raised his eyebrows. “That’s certainly a way to treat your stripper.”</p><p>“Come back,” Five said. There was a pleading tone to his voice, but he couldn’t care, not when Diego was moving away. “Diego, come <i>on,</i> it’s your money, you know you don’t have anything to lose.”</p><p>“I have other customers who’ll pay me real cash,” Diego said.</p><p>Five bared his teeth. “You’re really passing up on me for other customers? I thought if I was— if I was good, you’d…”</p><p>He trailed off.</p><p>Diego moved closer again, settling back onto Five’s lap. His eyes were dark, focused only on Five. “You think you’ve earned that?”</p><p>Five met his gaze. He was achingly hard under Diego, and of course there was no way he could hide it. Straddling his lap, shameless, Diego had called Five’s bluff. Five swallowed.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said roughly.</p><p>Diego tipped Five’s chin up with two fingers. “Wait in my dressing room,” he said. “Tell them Diego sent you.”</p><p> </p><p>Five made his way through the winding labyrinth of fluorescent-lit hallways and dressing rooms easily, baring a neat rack of teeth to any attendant who tried to stop him and warping away. It was cute that Diego had thought it was necessary to give him any kind of password. When he found the room marked <i>Kraken,</i> he teleported inside easily.</p><p>Diego must have been a fairly high-caliber stripper to earn his own space, but compared to the outside world, the room was dismal. It was cramped, and Five gravitated towards a plastic folding chair at a warped vanity, surveying the unglamorous contents: a mirror, some makeup— which didn’t surprise him intellectually, because if he worked onstage, of course he’d need some, but there was something eye-catching about the eyeshadow palette left open on the table. The brush with tan foundation powder on it. There was a rack of clothes, which Five stood up to examine: all stripper costumes, all tacky velcro cutaway pants, with Diego’s familiar sweater and jeans and underwear in a heap on the floor. Five shook his head. He truly couldn’t imagine how Diego could enjoy this.</p><p>He came back to the chair, sitting down and crossing his legs. He didn’t have any sense of time passing. It had almost been better out in the club, because it was consciously overwhelming, but here he was understimulated to the point of being antsy. Diego’s hands on him, that hot gaze, that unbelievable body— he was out there, giving the VIP treatment to his adoring crowd, but he’d tipped up Five’s chin and sent him here. Sent him to wait patiently for him, Five thought, and he shivered. Sent him to be good.</p><p>The time slipped and crawled. Ten minutes turned to twenty, and twenty turned to forty. Five realized he was holding his breath, and he exhaled, long and slow, wiping his sweaty palms on his slacks. He closed his eyes. His heart was pounding, even alone.</p><p>“That’s my chair,” came Diego’s voice from the doorway.</p><p>Five opened his eyes, startled. Diego was watching him, leaning against the wall with a little smile on his face.</p><p>“You weren’t here,” Five said. “You were out slutting it up for the masses.”</p><p>“Finished my shift early to come down here and see you,” Diego said. “I can afford to take a day off every now and then. Give me the chair.”</p><p>“I don’t like sitting on the floor,” Five said.</p><p>Diego smiled. “Kneel.”</p><p>The effect was immediate. Five felt a hot rush go through his whole body, and for a moment he stared up at Diego, wordless and wanting. Then he slid down to the floor, tucking his feet under him.</p><p>“Good,” Diego said, walking over and sitting down in the chair, catching Five’s shoulder and turning him so he was kneeling before him. He settled back in the chair, groaning a little. “Been on my feet all night,” he said. “My back’s killing me, Jesus. Gotta head to that massage place this week.”</p><p>“I would have thought you’d have had enough of the pleasures of the flesh,” Five said.</p><p>Diego snorted. “A deep-tissue massage isn’t exactly fun. I gotta go to the place that digs in hard, makes me gasp. But in the meantime…” He looked down at Five, reaching down and catching his jaw in his hand. “You’ll take care of me, won’t you?”</p><p>Five nodded. Diego smiled. “It’s a transaction,” he said softly. “I make you feel good, you make me feel good.”</p><p>“It’s more than that,” Five said.</p><p>A strange expression flitted across Diego’s face. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Diego, if I really only wanted a lap dance from a stripper, I would have gone to any club,” Five said.</p><p>“Christ,” Diego said. He rubbed his hand over his face. “And it’s not— you aren’t just doing this because you and the rest of our nosy-ass siblings are curious about where I go.”</p><p>“To be fair,” Five said, “you were being very coy about it.”</p><p>“But that’s not the only reason why you came,” Diego said.</p><p>Five shook his head, looking up at him.</p><p>“Oh, <i>baby</i>,” Diego said, leaning forward. “Christ. <i>Christ.</i> You wanted more than a dance, huh?”</p><p>“I want you to get me off,” Five said. “And don’t— don’t tease.”</p><p>Diego reached down, tracing Five’s lips with one finger. “I’ll give you what you want.”</p><p>Five narrowed his eyes. “Bullshit. That’s a conditional statement.”</p><p>“Once you give me what I want,” Diego said, smiling. He spread his legs a little. “But you’d like to suck my cock, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Five bit his tongue, eyeing between Diego’s legs. Fuck, his dick was at eye level. “Yeah,” he said, a little hoarsely. “That’s what you’d like to— use me for?”</p><p>“It’s not a matter of using,” Diego said, eyes dark. “It’s a matter of having someone pretty waiting in my room, ready for me, ready to take it.”</p><p>“That’s using me,” Five said, moving forward, reaching up for the band of Diego’s briefs. “And I don’t mind.” He looked up at Diego. “In fact, I want it.”</p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ,” Diego said. He tugged off his underwear, the bills Five had slipped there fluttering to the ground, and he stroked himself, watching Five’s face with half-lidded eyes. “I could just— you’re better than porn, fuck. I could just jerk myself off on your face.”</p><p>“No,” Five said quickly. He was rapt, watching Diego’s cock thicken in his hand, and his mouth was actually watering, which was— he didn’t need to tell Diego how desperate he was. “Let me— I already told you I want it, Diego, let me take it.”</p><p>“You sure you can fit it all?” Diego said, smirking.</p><p>“No,” Five said honestly. He bit his lip. Diego was fucking big— which sent a thrill through him, but Diego’s ego was so hopelessly swollen that he didn’t dare tell him. “But I’ll use my hands. And I’ll make it— messy, you’d like that, right?”</p><p><i>“Yeah,”</i> Diego said. He spread his legs further. “Come on, baby. Show me if you live up to your own hype.”</p><p>Five moved forward like he was possessed. He took the head of Diego’s cock into his mouth, feeling Diego shudder, feeling him twitch, and then he looked up at Diego, eyes intent as he flicked his tongue over the head, laving little kitten licks over him, light and teasing.</p><p>“Not giving me what you promised,” Diego said.</p><p>Five let Diego’s cock fall out of his mouth. “You think you’re the only one who can tease?”</p><p>Diego moaned. “Put it— put it back.” He twisted his hand in Five’s hair. “You said you’d take it.”</p><p>“I did,” Five said, smirking up at him. “And unlike some people, I follow through.” He reached down, wrapping his hand around the base of Diego’s cock, and he sank down, taking as much of the length as he could manage into his mouth.</p><p>He could feel Diego go rigid with pleasure. He looked up at Diego, openly enjoying it, licking up the shaft and swallowing wetly around him— there was saliva leaking from the corners of his mouth, he must have looked debauched already, and he shifted, his cock </p><p>“You’re so pretty like this,” Diego said. His voice was molten. “Like you were— fff, made to take it.”</p><p>Five swallowed convulsively, watching the flutter of Diego’s eyelashes, and he nodded around his cock.</p><p>“Couldn’t have asked for a better— cockwarmer in my life,” Diego said. “You wanted this, didn’t you? You’ve been so needy for it?”</p><p>Five’s mouth was making wet, lewd sounds on Diego’s cock as he bobbed his head. Diego let out a moan. “So good,” he said, voice slurring a little, “exactly what I— exactly what I need, all my nights on the floor, I go out and— and grind on people, I do my show, I— give it to everyone, but I never <i>get</i> it. You’re—” He bit his hand, hips bucking as he stifled a high, breathy sound. “Fuck, I’m close. Sometime I’m going to— really lay out out, make you sweat, work you over, make you— make you fucking care for me, make it good, be that pretty little slut I’m seeing on my knees in front of me, but right now— going to come down your throat, let you swallow it, bet you want to take it—”</p><p>Five moaned, garbled around Diego’s cock.</p><p>“Of course you do,” Diego said, and his voice was breathy. “Fuck, <i>Five</i>!”</p><p>He shuddered when he came, that whole gorgeous body clenching as he spilled down Five’s throat. Five swallowed, sitting back on his heels, genuinely dazed.</p><p>“You are a marvel,” Diego said, looking down at him.</p><p>“I hear I’m a pretty slut,” Five rasped.</p><p>Diego shook his head, awed. “I think I owe you something,” he said. “Come up here, sweetheart.” He hauled Five up so Five was straddling him, practically draped over him, and he breathed out a laugh. “You’re the one grinding on me for a change, huh?”</p><p>“I’m not grinding on you,” Five said. His voice sounded rough, and Diego squeezed his hip, appreciative. “You’re the one who has to— take care of me now.”</p><p>“That’s right, baby,” Diego said. “And I will. You want my hand?”</p><p>Five nodded, chest heaving, and he whined as Diego’s hand reached down and undid his pants, pulling out his cock and wrapping around him, steady and firm. “Ah— <i>fuck</i>—!”</p><p>“You’re so fucking good,” Diego said. “Good boy, coming out here to find me. Letting me tease you.” He worked Five’s cock in practiced strokes, skillful. “Waiting here for me.”</p><p>“Diego,” Five said helplessly. He breathed in, shuddering. “<i>Diego</i>, I— don’t— tell anyone.”</p><p>“Don’t tell anyone what?” Diego said. “Pretty babe, you think I’m about to head to the streets and tell everyone how obedient you are for me? Nah.” He twisted his wrist, giving the head a little more attention. “I spend every night hustling for an audience. You’re for me.”</p><p>“Wanna be,” Five managed. “Don’t— nnh— want to be just your customer.”</p><p>“As if you ever were,” Diego said. </p><p>Five brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his fingers to stifle himself. He was teetering on the edge of his orgasm, on the edge of indignity, and if Diego kept working him like that—</p><p>“Don’t hold back,” Diego said. He reached up with his other hand and pried Five’s wrist out of his mouth, and then he kissed him, pressing his lips to Five’s, hard and sweet. “Let me hear you.”</p><p>Five let out a moan. He was shaking, his whole body trembling, hard and rigid and tight and warm and close, and Diego’s hand was on him, and nothing had ever felt better, and he could feel the pleasure mounting, rising up inside him like a wave—</p><p>“Look at you,” Diego said, awed.</p><p>Five cried out. His body convulsed as he spilled over Diego’s hand, shuddering and tight and tense and needy, and then going slack, slumping over Diego’s chest.</p><p>“Fuck,” he mumbled. “That’s— you’re good at that.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Diego said. He pushed back Five’s hair. “You all right?”</p><p>Five peeked up at him. “Of course I’m fucking all right.”</p><p>“Just checking,” Diego said, grinning. “I like to be responsible when I fuck people’s brains out, hmm?”</p><p>“You’re such an egotist, Christ,” Five said. “It’s a wonder I’m attracted to you at all.”</p><p>“But you are,” Diego said.</p><p>His voice was softer, his swagger translucent. Five picked his head up, looking up at him full-on. “Yes,” he said frankly.</p><p>Diego smiled. “Goes both ways.”</p><p>“But only one of us is a professional stripper,” Five said. He raised one eyebrow. “Is that the term you prefer? Should I be calling you an exotic dancer, or an adult entertainer?”</p><p>“Fuck no,” Diego said. “I’m a stripper.”</p><p>“You certainly are,” Five murmured. He trailed his fingertips down Diego’s chest. “It’s quite a side hustle.”</p><p>“Main hustle, now,” Diego said.</p><p>Five touched his cheek. “Do you like it?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Diego said, looking up at him. His eyes were big. “I know it’s not your scene, but… I like it. Gets me out of my head.”</p><p>“But do you want to do it forever?” Five said.</p><p>Diego bit his lip, looking away. “I don’t know. I don’t— I haven’t gotten to <i>forever</i> yet.” He smiled humorlessly. “Still trying to get over the apocalypse.”</p><p>“We averted the apocalypse,” Five said.</p><p>“Yeah,” Diego said. He sighed. “That’s a cop-out.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Five said. “It’s… all right to not know.”</p><p>Diego looked down at his hands. “I wish I had a real idea of what I wanted,” he said. “Allison’s going back to Hollywood. Luther’s trying to crack some physics shit I wouldn’t dream of wanting to understand. Klaus is… doing his thing, and you’re— doing your thing, and Vanya’s got her lessons.”</p><p>“Diego,” Five said, “do you really think you’re the only one who doesn’t have a goddamn clue what you’re doing?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I mean this in the least condescending way possible,” Five said, “but of course you’re adrift. We all are. You say you’re getting over the apocalypse, that that’s a cop-out, but I think there’s more truth there than you want to admit. We all got supremely fucked over— and then we got a second chance. Of course we’re happier now; of course we’re all getting back on our feet. But being liberated from the Academy for good, being given a new outlook on life… it’s the kind of boon that knocks you over like a blow.”</p><p>Diego curled his hand around Five’s. “You think?”</p><p>“Allison’s in Hollywood,” Five said, “but she’s done an awfully good job of lying if you think she has her shit together. Have you noticed how often she comes back here?”</p><p>“She misses us,” Diego said, his brow creasing.</p><p>“Yes,” Five said. “And we miss her, but I’d hazard a guess she never even unpacked her suitcase in that enormous house of hers.”</p><p>“Christ,” Diego said. “Yeah, she’s really going the distance in trying to turn her life around. No rumors, going cold turkey…”</p><p>“I don’t even know if she still wants to be an actress,” Five said.</p><p>Diego smiled. “She does. She always loved the spotlight.”</p><p>“And I hear she’s not bad,” Five said. “I never got to watch any of her movies, but I’ve read the reviews.”</p><p>“She’s good,” Diego said. He was quiet for a moment. “Luther seems all right.”</p><p>Five shook his head. “His girlfriend’s on the other side of the country getting her shit together, Diego.”</p><p>“He could have gone with her,” Diego said.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Five said. “He likes this place.”</p><p>“I don’t have a damn clue why,” Diego said. “Dad was worse to him than to any of us.”</p><p>“Yes,” Five said. “But do you really think he hated being Number One?”</p><p>Diego swallowed. “He didn’t,” he said quietly. “He was proud of it.”</p><p>“It’s one of the only things he has,” Five said.</p><p>“The title and the big old house,” Diego said. “Gives me the creeps to think of living there full-time, personally.”</p><p>Five shrugged. “It’s not that bad.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Diego said, “but your bar is low.”</p><p>“So is Luther’s,” Five said.</p><p>Diego reached forward and tangled his hands in Five’s hair, scratching his scalp. “Vanya’s okay.”</p><p>“Vanya?” Five said.</p><p>“I said what I said,” Diego said.</p><p>“Vanya has to deal with the fact that she caused the Apocalypse,” Five said.</p><p>“Yeah, but Allison forgave her,” Diego said. “Thought they were doing all kinds of bonding.”</p><p>“Bonding,” Five said, “doesn’t mean progress.” He pressed his cheek into Diego’s hand. “I’ve been trying to spend more time with her. I think she’ll be all right in time, but it’s not easy.”</p><p>“She has her violin, right?” Diego said. “All that shit?”</p><p>Five nodded against him. “She likes it.”</p><p>“Good,” Diego said. “Good.”</p><p>There was a pause. Five leaned against Diego, enjoying his comforting bulk, leaching his warmth. It was probably kind of gross that he was so sweaty— he could practically taste the residue of the club outside, the intense awfulness of the stage— but there was something deeply soothing about being held by Diego, with no intention but to melt into him and stay there.</p><p>“You have a job that you like,” Five murmured. “And it pays, and it makes you happy in the short term. I think that’s valuable.”</p><p>Diego smiled, tucking Five’s hair out of his face. “And it’s sexy.”</p><p>“It’s very sexy,” Five said. “You should give me a fully consummated lap dance sometime.”</p><p>Diego laughed. “Yeah, sweetheart. Never done that before, actually.”</p><p>“Good,” Five said, nestling into him. “I’m possessive.”</p><p>He could feel Diego’s hand on his back, rubbing idly. Diego’s chest rose and fell, his breathing steady. Five pressed his cheek to him, letting him turn his thoughts over in his mind.</p><p>“I don’t miss the knife harness,” Diego said eventually.</p><p>Five waited.</p><p>“I thought I would,” Diego said. “But I don’t miss going out on patrol, either. I’m a night owl, but I’d rather— if I’m going to be staying out late, I’d rather be safe. And not killing people.”</p><p>“It wasn’t the easiest vocation,” Five said quietly.</p><p>“It wasn’t <i>necessary</i>,” Diego said. He swallowed. “I thought it was. I thought I was making my own choice. But in the end… that was all Dad, telling me in my head to wear the mask, to hit people until I felt better, to make something of myself. Like that was all there was to make.”</p><p>“You have more,” Five said, pulling back to look at him.</p><p>“And I don’t think I’m— I’m not saying being a stripper is using my whole potential or whatever either,” Diego said. “I’m not trying to pretend I’m doing important shit. I’m grinding on drunk girls who want the chance to feel a six-pack in real life. But it doesn’t hurt anyone.”</p><p>“Like I say,” Five said. “You don’t have to have it all figured out, Diego. It’s all right to work to keep yourself afloat.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Diego said, and he gathered Five close again, pressing a kiss to his hair.</p><p>“And you’re quite good at it,” Five mumbled.</p><p>“What’s that?” Diego said. Five could hear his smile.</p><p>“You’re a good stripper,” Five said. “It’s not ridiculous that people would pay high prices for you.”</p><p>“Not ridiculous,” Diego said. “You know, I undercharged for you.”</p><p>Five rolled his eyes. “Shocking.”</p><p>“I’m a luxury few can afford, baby doll,” Diego said. His hands found the small of Five’s back, arms wrapping around him comfortably. “What about you? You have your shit together?”</p><p>Five hesitated.</p><p>“I never know what you’re doing,” Diego said. “You keep it locked up tight.”</p><p>“That’s because genuinely, most of you wouldn’t understand,” Five said. “It’s… time travel.”</p><p>And reading. And day drinking. And staring up at his own handwriting on the wall, and watching his lines start to merge, his equations slanting downwards. Looking over his shoulder, opening his mouth for a half-formed thought, and remembering Delores wasn’t there. Instinctively checking the fireplace for Commission memos that never came.</p><p>“Uh huh,” Diego said. “You know, I just got some good advice about not needing to have it all figured out.”</p><p>“It’s hard,” Five said. He looked up at Diego. “You’re lucky that you have real work to do. Going somewhere every night for a reason.”</p><p>“It’s good,” Diego said. “Won’t lie.”</p><p>Five propped his head on Diego’s shoulder. “It’ll take a while to get settled for real,” he said, not making it clear whether he was talking to Diego or to himself.</p><p>“‘Course,” Diego said.</p><p>“And a truly exasperating number of false starts,” Five said.</p><p>“That too.”</p><p>“And infinite liters of coffee and tequila.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself.”</p><p>Five turned his face, pressing his forehead into Diego’s neck. “But I have a guess,” he said, “that I’d be better off having you with me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://fivediego.tumblr.com/">fivediego</a> on Tumblr, come talk to me about TUA!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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